When I think of the things that have molded me into 'me', Blind Melon plays a large part in it. In a time that I was immersed in grunge and depressive music, Blind Melon was a light to me. Warmth and happiness. Knowing it was alright to be me. It was okay to be goofy. It was okay to be happy, even when it didn't make sense. Even if it wasn't 'cool'. Even if my life wasn't. I love Blind Melon, and Shannon Hoon most of all. I could dance and smile, I could let life slip past dazily. I could be myself and be unafraid. All these things I learned partially because of them. I immersed myself in the lyrics that expressed regret, shame, anger, and in the next breath, satisfaction and happiness in my adversity. When I think of words to sum up portions of my life, Blind Melon's lyrics come to mind.
Of being an abusive alcoholic's daughter:
"One of these days this will die. So will me and so will you." ~ Mouthful of Cavitities
"My eyes are dry and my hands are clean, and I can't believe all the things I've seen." ~ Dear Ol' Dad
"And the sand blew in my eyes....as I stood on the edge and looked out to sea, the light of a new life shining upon me." ~ Deserted (I related to having the thought of living with my dad at the beach)
Of the act of religion:
"Holyman, you don't understand. The cuts on me they run much deeper." ~ Holyman
"Holyman I tell you man you gotta Believe in what you see, 'Cause its you that corrupt us man and deep throat philosophy. I don't need your spells or the little games you try to pull on me Come to think of it I don't need your religion." ~ Holyman
"And I'm oh so tired of you pushing that thorny crown Down onto my head so hard, my knees are two inches in the ground." ~ The Pusher
On being different:
"Nobody here really understands me, and so I'll wave goodbye, I'm fine. I'm fine." ~ Tones of Home
"All my friends patronize me, they say 'Hey Boy! Have you found what your looking for?' You see they don't really know me....it's here. It's what they can't see." ~ Tones of Home
"Instead of sittin' here not seein' clear, just sitting here not fittin' here...." ~ Toes Across the Floor
"But I'm not appalled or afraid verbal pocket play is as discreet as I can muster up to be. Because the Cadillac that's sittin' in the backIt isn't me, Oh, no, no, no it isn't me. I'm more at home in my Galaxie." ~Galaxie
On my life:
"My mind is a mind that I have come to know, and my eyes can't conceive what cannot grow." ~ Paper Scratcher
"Life ain't so shitty." ~LASS
"I find myself singing the same songs everyday. Ones that make me feel good when things behind the smile ain't okay." ~ Walk
"And I can't believe that I have to bang my head against this wall again. But the blows they have just a little more space in-between them. Gonna take a breath and try, try again." ~Walk
I was in high school when Shannon Hoon died, and I wore black for two weeks straight. The year before he died, Kurt Cobain died. I was never too much of a Nirvana fan. I liked them, but thought that Kurt Cobain was a whiner that should get over his problems. He should have taken a few lessons from Shannon Hoon, he should let go a bit, and not take everything quite so seriously. When I mourned the death of Shannon Hoon, hardly anyone knew who he was. I did.
I still mourn him, it's true. His death taught me that good things don't always last, and that sacred things can be stolen from you in a breath. He taught me with his words, that 'you have to have an eye to see what's wrong with the world, and a mind to change it.'
I am still sad that there aren't more songs. I'm sad that there are other artists with less talent that still breathe. There are other artists with less to say with their music. Shannon Hoon was onto something. I cherish every song that they ever released, they are still so dear to me, even now. All other bands have faded, but Blind Melon is in my fabric. Perhaps that partly explains my fruitiness. :)
Earlier this year, a tribute album was produced. You can check out the website.
This song has often times been the motto of my life.
Blind Melon
"Change"
I don't feel the suns comin' out today
It's staying in, it's gonna find another way.
As I sit here in this misery, I don't think
I'll ever (no Lord) see the sun from here.
And oh as I fade away,
They'll all look at me and say, and they'll say,
Hey look at him!
I'll never live that way.
But that's okay, they're just afraid to change.
And when you feel life ain't worth living
You've got to stand up and
Take a look around you look up way to the sky.
And when your deepest thoughts are broken,
Keep on dreaming boy, cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die.
And as we all play parts of tomorrow, some ways will work and other ways we'll play.
But I know we can't all stay here forever,
So I want to write my words on the face of today.
And then they'll paint it.
And oh as I fade away,
They'll all look at me and say, they'll say,
Hey look at him and where he is these days.
When life is hard, you have to change.
