In Consideration of Canada

Okay, reading my last posting, I was thinking 'that was last month??' It seems so long ago, with all I've been doing and thinking.


Let me just start out by sharing what has been on my (our) mind lately.

For a while now, I'd say 8 months or so, we have been entertaining the idea of going to another country to live for awhile, for the experience of it, for our own enrichment, for our children's enrichment, to experience another facet of life.
A month or so ago, on a whim, David put in an application to WestCan, a fueling company in western Canada. What do you know, he got a reply this week. They want him. We had not heard from them in a while, so just figured it was not going to happen. It was one of those things, we just put in one application and we figured if that one thing worked out, then it was meant to be. So, it is looking like it will happen.

We were looking into moving to Houston, which I really was having to convince myself that I would like it, against all odds in favor of cheap housing and family nearby. Despite the fact that it seemed the most likely opportunity, it is the same company, he has a great record, anyway, it didn't happen. Then, we were open to another opportunity east of Dallas, but we decided against it. It was in a rural area in Texas. No. Absolutely not. That's on my 'no' list.

Let me expand on that briefly. This is merely my opinion, but it is shared by many, therefore, a possible fact?? Why not small town Texas? Seems safe enough, right? A good solid place to raise children. Well, Abilene is not 'small' really, but it is small enough for me. I came to the realization that there is some part of the brain that grows stagnate when you live in those places. You are not open to anything different or new. You are not open to other points of view, you are not open to so many things. You are not exposed to much of the world. It is, to me, like some sort of weird cult. Everyone puts up with some ridiculous form of thinking, many times conservatively based, either they don't know any better because they have been that way their whole lives, or they are part of the problem and spew the very ridiculous radical lies that cause the problems. OR, there is another piece to that: the people that have been so repressed by such thinking they go to the extreme side of rebellion to it. Drugs, alcohol, sex, and lots of it. After all, if you can never be 'good enough', might as well be bad enough to irritate those of you that have made you believe that. It's stupid. I will not subject my children to such a ridiculous hypocrisy. I thank God that He has allowed us to live in Colorado, which has really expanded our ideas, our experience, our values.

Back to my point.
We have this opportunity to go to Canada. I am ready for it. Why not? Let's really think about that: Why not?
Let's think of the worst possible scenario, even though I like to believe that I am a positive thinker, thanks to the wonderful people I've had the opportunity to meet here and there.
Let's say the money isn't good. We live in poverty. (As if we have not done that before...) We live in the bad part of town. Something happens to David, and the girls and I are left having to find a way back alone in this cold dark world. We break a leg and have to wait months to have it set. The worse possible things you could think of. We have no family, no one. Nothing.
(Just going off the fears that my mother has 'helped' me to be aware of.)
All these things are possible. I'm aware of that. We better not do it, God may not take care of us.............................................
Catch that??? Yeah. God will care for us, to the ends of the world and even after death. Even in Canada?? Yes. Even in Canada. Should we doubt that we only limit Him and what He can do in our lives and through us. We put him back in that box....
We can't count on friends. We can't count on family. We can only count on Him.


Okay.
So, we don't do it.
We live the REST OF OUR LIVES knowing we let the opportunity that we really wanted slip through our fingers because of FEAR.


After all, we could say no, and humbly move back to Texas (which, despite our best efforts, we can't seem to convince ourselves to do so) we go back to Texas to live in our little humble home, living our meager life as it is. We all die in a car crash.
LIFE IS SHORT and unpredictable. We can only follow our hearts, dreams, and go where we think God is leading us. Maybe it isn't to Canada, but here He has shown us a way..it lays before us, an open possibility that WILL NOT HAPPEN if it is not in God's plan. You see, NOTHING not another breath in your lungs happens if God does not will it. That's how it goes. If you are a Christian, if you say you have 'faith' in God, you must agree with that. You MUST agree with that, or else you should go back and figure out if you really are a Christ led CHRISTian.

If you are not Christian, you may disregard that completely, except for the following your dreams part. :)

SO.
Why go?
Experience. Life. People we will meet. Things we need to learn for ourselves. Things our children should learn for themselves. Things our family should learn. Things that we should experience, and will not do so otherwise. Independence. Self enrichment. Refinement in the fires of life.

I will not be ruled by FEAR and WORRY, and I will never let it stand in the way of my dreams, no matter how big or small they may be. That is one thing I have learned. Life is short. Seize it with all you have. Carpe Diem. Don't look back. Regret kills you.

Part of me wants to ask all of you who are important to me (and you wouldn't be here reading this if you weren't) what would you do? What would you decide? Would you be hesitant? Would you let fear rule you? What would you do?

The other part of me knows that I shouldn't have to ask. I already know.

~Jenn

So, me.

Yes...I had meant to mention 'myself'. I have just been reading, writing and cooking a lot.
I have been reading a book on the life of Shakespeare. I recently finished the Scottish Chiefs. I was about to start reading Sir Walter Scott's Rob Roy, but having just finished the Scottish chiefs, I was afraid I might beging speaking in a brogue.
David and I volunteered for the Irish festival this weekend. It was a lot of fun. I really should read more about Ireland. I don't know near as much about that as I do Scotland. Anywho, there were lots of people and lots to do. We were selling vendor tickets at the booth that was right next to the pipe band tent and in between the Celtic stage and the Irish dancers. So we heard lots of bagpipes, foot stomping and reels while working! It was such a great thing for David and I to do...he loved it, and we met some great people. David says we should volunteer together more often, and he's right. We were forced to work together as a team and work together we did, very well actually.
I have been writing a bit more. We have no cable TV anymore, so we have really been more relaxed and just reading and writing. And cooking, did I mention? I have been baking our own bread and making tortillas..and pretty much everything else lately. It really gives me a sense of accomplishment to buy all of the ingredients and put them together so beautifully myself.
Anyway, I will be posting some more writing soon out of my spiral book that I have been carrying around. The girls have been at VBS this week, and will be next week too, so I'll have more quiet time.

Homeschooling Stuff

What have I been up to? I have been working on planning our next homeschool session. It will be much more structured than what we have done in the past year. The only subject I am struggling with teaching-wise is Math. Surprise, surprise. We have some plans that I will not mention yet in the works. I don't like to jinx things by blabbing my mouth over them (or pounding my keyboard??). SOOOOO.....things may just have to be rearranged again anyway. But, for now, here is what our homeschool session looks like. We are going in the direction of the Well Trained Mind with a slight TJE tilt to it. Mondays will be math and history. For math we will just be working with activity books for now, since I can't currently find a RightStart mathematics system I can afford. (That said...anyone got one?) For History, we are starting Story of the World which I give a THUMBS UP for our classical/eclectic educational style. (http://www.welltrainedmind.com/childsworldhistory.html)
Tuesdays are CDW (for now) and theatre, which will run until Thanksgiving-unless afore-(un)mentioned plans come through earlier. Wednesdays, David is home with us (again-for now), so he has volunteered to do Science and Bible studies. We will be doing space this session, from planets to comets, and starting out with the Old Testament in Bible Studies. Thursdays are Language Studies and Handwriting. Fridays are alternating. The 2nd and 4th Fridays of the month will be Roots and Shoots, also we will be having a once-a-month Science club. On the days we don't go 'in town' we'll be working on our session project, which we are excited about. For reading time we are going to start into the Little House series and for our session project we will be making ragdolls to go along with the reading. I am looking forward to it, like I said, it is much more structured than before.

"How do I love thee?"

A question I have asked many times, and contemplated my own answers. It seems odd that a wordy person such as myself can draw a blank at an attempt to 'count the ways'. So, for David, I have thought upon some words to express that which words can not tell.

I love thee to the depth and breadth of my soul.
I love thee for your heart, which makes mine whole.
I love thee to the very height of the clouds.
I love thee even when my own self I shroud.
I love thee when I know not of tomorrow.
I love thee though my soul is in sorrow.
I love thee to no end, truly and forever.
I love thee as much as the highland heather.
I love thee in darkness, when the moon hides her head.
I love thee in daylight as I rise from my bed.
I love thee! I love thee, and though this is but ten,
Tomorrow I promise, I'll count over again!

True love is...

(a few rhyming observations)

Something that is felt forever.
Something that fades, never.
Something that springs eternal.
Something that burns noctournal.
Something that beats indefinite.
Something that breathes infinite.
It shines brightly.
It sings lightly.
It brings an endless vulnerability.
It brings mercy and humility.
It's bond is something never broken
...a summer kiss its daily token.

Forgotten

Wild grasses blow silent across gravestones left lonely.

Aged epitaphs long faded, whisper through the weeds.

Some of them long gone, some sharply new.

Faded wooden crosses, the names unknown,

crumble and decay, souls forgotten through time.

The eerie contrast betwen fresh dirt piled high

and weed grown stones covering old sunken graves.

What will time bring in a hundred, or a thousand years?

None will know the names or nature

of the mothers, fathers, soldiers, daughters.

The weeping cherub on the infant's grave,

will be a symbol only of a life once lived,

and none will recall the joy, none will know the smile, the laugh,

the hardships faced, or the burdens shared.

And so, will I lie, forgotten here?

I am a plain and simple woman.

I bear the torches, still aflame.

I cry the tears, still fresh and wet.

But as the years go by, soon death will find me,

and here I should lie beneath the tall grass.

Next to my husband, my children, my mother,

and none will know of me.

I'll be but bones filling a grave.

and the rambling daisy and indian paintbrush

will mark what was, but soon and ever forgotten.

I wrote this after visiting an old cemetery near Pine, CO. It was a quiet peaceful day, bright and clear with a soft breeze. A good time and place for contemplation and circumspection.

Here is the painting I did recently with my old canvas. I wanted to use my favorite color combination (blue and yellow) to coordinate with my bedsheets and blankets. Yep. I made art to match something in my home, as my art instructor always advised against. :)